Submissive or Rebellious in Love

If it’s one thing that this COVID19 pandemic has taught me, it’s apparent Change is needed for Humanity to survive.

Millions of people throughout this entire world have had to think about how they and their family will survive this pandemic. Many have lost a loved one or two, or have lost their jobs. It has to be hard I know; I can’t hardly imagine being that one in a million. My heart goes out to those who have lost and have to grieve for the ones they love.

Today, I am grateful for the change that has come upon us. Not just for the world and humanity, but also for the love and the realization of what love is. Had I not known God, I would not know love. Having a true relationship with God, is special, and it resonates within my soul. It changes me to do things I would not normally do and I have to really begin to recognize that I have changed my ways to love.

Moving away from my sons has allowed me to open up my heart, because they tell me they love me more now than they did when we were living under one roof. Every time they see me, they tell me they love me. At first, I was really puzzled at how freely they expressed it. These are my boys, growing up to be men, respectfully. I’m loving it.

Not only have I received God’s love, and love from my sons, my family and my friends also tell me and show me they love me. My county has also shown me love by providing food and rental assistance to my community. In the midst of a global pandemic, God is still very prevalent today. His love brings protection, peace and the ability to endure it all.

One love that I fought hard to resist is loving someone you cannot fully comprehend. Someone who starts off as a stranger, an encounter of bliss. Things did not really add up to what I could remember of how love used to be.

I tried to go back to my matrimony of love and compare it with what I am experiencing today, it is not the same submissiveness. Trying to be a force to reckon with, I tried to force my way of love onto him, the way I was taught and brought up with. But you know what? He was not really having it. It was rather strange, the way we met. In the first quarter of the pandemic, we were both at a public park because a lot of places had shut down because of COVID19. Public outside spaces were places that relieved us of from a home quarantine.

I walked up to the Love Shack and our stories of how we met are so different. He said, I approached him with lust in my eyes, trying to seduce him. Ha! I had a wig on that day. I was just glad to be out of the house and here he comes. I think I remember asking him how were the ribs and he replied, they were delicious. I gave him my business card in general conversation. He contacted me the same day. This just seemed like a normal greeting to me. A month later, things were moving way too fast and it was over before it really began.

On that Mother’s Day, he found his way back into my life by a simple text. Yet, I still found this to be difficult and little things were not as good as they used to be as I reflect on my marriage. We didn’t really fight, we just didn’t trust each other, but we were still interested in seeing each other. Crazy I know, but you know how that go. That common bond that lingers on.

He was like my black coffee, a strong hot aroma with a bitter taste, and I was the swirl of cream and sugar that sweetened everything. I began to write to him having to explain my ways, hoping he would have some empathy for me. There was this gravitational force that kept us going back and forth making me change my ways of forcing my love on to him. With him, I had to learn how to love him, by listening to him and not always forcing it to do it my way. Patience, he fought to have with me. I thought I was doing it right, because I am older than him. I never thought a young could teach me how to love him, reluctantly.

We ate out a lot, Netflixed and chilled, traveled together and still… things seemed to be unsettled between us. The day after Xmas, I decided to let go; I told him “ Let’s just be friends in 2021!” because I felt like I had given enough of my love, and was still feeling ignored. I knew there was something amiss when his response was this, “Go to see your lover in the DR, I can’t compete with that and I don’t trust you!” I had no response to the heat he just placed in my lap, I had to learn to accept him for where his mind was at. Was I cool with that?

On New Year’s Eve, before 2021, he called. I was appalled, knowing what we both had been through and all. Yes, he called. “Before things get crazy, I love you and I still want to travel with you. I am in DC, visiting my brother. Have a Happy New Year and I Love You!” Well, what am I supposed to say? Go to hell? I could not even get my words out, because I said what I wanted to say before. It was not a threat to try to get him to realize anything, it was my best way to walk away from being mistreated. These days, it is called ghosting when you leave someone without an explanation, hoping the other person would catch on, but that is not something I wanted to chance. I clearly communicated, Let’s be friends and here he comes being very enchanting.

When temptation calls, do not answer the phone, because you will hear familiar tones and gestures you do not want to partake in. It is the no for me that seemed to have triggered something in him. We began to react on each other’s feelings and unresolved issues and here I am being vulnerable all over again. I am writing and communicating because it seems to be the only safe way I can make peace with him without it escalating into a fight or a big argument because the head space I can not penetrate with my voice to get him to acknowledge his lack of empathy. Change has got to come sooner, because what I’m not going to do is argue in the midst of a pandemic, nor will I take blame and seek injustice for systemic insecurities or relationship issues.

Here was my response….

“I love you too but …sometimes I am at war with my heart and my mind with the things I want in this relationship. It’s almost a year and you still don’t want to trust me.”

Our opportunity to connect through communication is rare. I feel as if you really don’t want to communicate with me. You want to keep things sort of… Mediocre with me. I hang in there always waiting and anticipating your willingness to be vulnerable with me.

Often times we say we love each other, but maybe it’s better to let go of one another, because of unmet expectations and difficult conversations. We can’t even trust to take care of each other. I don’t know about you, but it’s hard for me to let go.

When you say “ I love you” what does that mean?

Does “I love you” mean that you trust me?

Does “I love you” mean, I truly care about how I make you feel?

Does “I love you” mean I can love you unconditionally?

Does “I love you” mean, I know what my intentions are for this woman and I can communicate that to her so that she understands what I want from her?

Does “I love you” mean that I have you just the way I want you, in full submission?

What does your “I Love You” mean exactly?

Felt good as I was, I was also left wandering and wondering is that how he loves?

Change is necessary for humanity to survive, and once we realize the change we will have to decide if we want to

To be…


In Love …

Become An Insider on Travel


2020 has rocked the entire world like the dust of death. Some of us made it this far and a part of humanity’s life simply vanished from this earth.

If you’re still feeling optimistic, yet saddened by the turn of events and you don’t want to give up your dreams to travel, consider this.

I’m am available to answer any questions by appointment only.


CBD – The New Therapy

CBD which is also know as Cannabidiol. A popular natural hemp found in the marijuana plant. For many years, our government has called this plant an illegal substance and have incarcerated many men and women just for having possession, or selling it as a street drug.

Marijuana Plant

In 2018, there was a Farm Bill that passed under the Trump Administration. This bill allowed hemp to be sold in the US. Many people have been advocating the use of cannabis to help with seizure disorders, but cannabis have also been used to help with anxiety and other ailments dealing with pain.

What are your thoughts about the legalization of hemp or cannabis and its uses? Marijuana was initially discovered in Central Asia and has made its way around the globe adding controversy on whether it is illegal or not. The History channel has an interesting story on the background of marijuana and all of the controversy and politics that got us where we are today. Many of entrepreneurs are capitalizing on this phenomenon and are seeing some benefits.

Whenever you are exploring a new product, it is imperative that you protect yourself and do your due diligence to find out if this product is right for you. Just like smoking cigarettes and using tobacco, although its legal, it may not be your choice. It is known to cause all types of cancer, yet its still legal and is sold on every corner.

If you would like to try a cannabidiol product, you can click on the link to find out more. We have muscle and joint creams for muscle aches, tinctures and CBD therapy for your pets.

Visit my website and tell me what you think.

http://E3 Wellness

The Burgess Hotel

My job is to explore many different types of hotels so that my clientele will know and trust my opinion.

When I travel, I try to visit one boutique hotel and an urban hotel.

The Burgess Hotel is a Trademark Collection by Wyndham. Located in the Buckhead District . This hotel did an amazing renovation with their exquisite design and artwork.

Settle in with their cozy fireplaces, beautiful spaces, & magnificent restrooms in the lobby. If you’re visiting Atlanta, try The Burgess Hotel for a very unique & inspiring experience!

I want to personally thank Christian for a warm welcome & providing exceptional customer service.

#theburgesshotel #boutiquehotels2020 #travel #wyndhamtrademark #haute50travel

He Set the Tone…

Written by Racquel

Who finds the time to date during COVID19? Perhaps you’re desperate or seeking something for self gratification. Maybe, it’s just to have a casual conversation. Similar to a companion. You connect with someone through a physical attraction and the conversation begins.

His invitation to dinner starts off as tempting, yet tantalizing because it seems thoughtful to have someone actually cook for you. It’s easier to just eat out and go our separate ways afterwards. It may not cross your mind he could have a motive. Your perception could simply be naive thinking he is actually interested in really getting to know more about you.

Upon entering his dwelling, you feel a little uncomfortable, but you try to settle in to his sensual hospitality, his Afro Latino history, his tech geek personal lifestyle, and you’re only getting a little, bit of him because he’s busy cooking. You don’t really know who, why, or what’s going to happen next. It’s just a chance you are willing to take.

Dinner is served, and you trust the food that is prepared is good enough to eat, so you won’t have to pretend when he asks, is everything ok? Actually, it was one of the many things that easily got you hooked on him, but you just didn’t want him to know it was that simple for you. He had you in that moment. He set the tone.

After dinner, you engage in more conversation with him, but it was a sudden statement of, I want you. You resist to respond too quickly, although you may it depends on your vulnerability level. In a moments notice, do you choose to leave or do you stay to explore a little more? In that moment, he sets the tone for what is to come later on.

You made it through the night, and the demands and promises start immediately after that, you didn’t have much time to even think about if it’s what you should accept. You start to consider it.

Eventually it does not take long to notice there’s a huge difference between you two, a lot you don’t know so you start to fact check everything he said, instead of beginning to trust. Still, things just didn’t seem to add up. It was different, yet intriguing enough to consider who this person was. You may ask yourself, “Should we continue? “ He insists.

You are not sure what he’s accustomed to, but for you, it is he who should do more pursuing if he’s really interested in getting to know you.

You go on your day-to-day operations and suddenly you remember a month has passed with no communication, an issue of unresponsive text messages. Out of the blue, your sister notices him at the park, and oddly you get a notification that he was there and that prompted you to reach out to him and things pick up where you left off. One thing led to another, and he communicates he wants a relationship, but remember you still had another adventurous lover lingering in your DNA. He makes mention to you to give up communication with your lover in order for the two of you to move forward and you even considered on doing that for him. Here you go translating in Spanish that you are going to move on and cut all manners of communication with your ex lover. No more adventurous vacations in paradise, gotta make something new with this man whom you’re not even sure will be the one you can venture into.

Yes, it was worth a try, but you find yourself going back to communicate with your ex lover when you are alone and now you had to tell the truth, when your new man asked you because he could see right through you all the time. You thought it was going to be easy, but it was hard to stop talking to your ex because you had a strong bond of talking to him everyday and it was his attention that kept you engaged, although it was rarely important the things you were discussing, had very little interest to you. It was just something to do.

Concentrating on someone new, you began to carefully watch his temperaments, his work ethics, and his fatherly characteristics. His patterns became so predictable. It was work, work, work, go out to eat, watch a movie, sleep and father duties every other weekend. Where does the monotony end?

He was friendly, and funny, and a good communicator when it comes to getting what he needed. Breaks in between your love making sessions, he was only spontaneous when it came to fulfilling his requests and he made them be known, with the expectation it was what he deserved. Was that a test? He was setting the tone for this monster he created.

Eventually the cycle continues and you may find yourself trying to adapt settling into his trap, yet noticing you were accepting things you would accept when you were in your 20’s, a sucker for some adventure. He knew what he was doing and he used his communication as leverage asking you things he had no business asking you in the moment of pleasure. Red flags were thrown everywhere, but he kept you in despair perhaps for his self gratification.

After a few unfulfilled promises, you come to realize that you kept adding up all of his wrong doings and after you made love to him, you had the nerve to ask him, “what are you doing? Leading me on, still pretending, and by the way, what’s in your phone? “

The truth you were assuming. Something he felt you were not privy to. One more thing added to his list of being unfair to you.

Although he used his leverage to go through your phone and point out your alleged other male friends, with whom he seemed very insecure with, you don’t get any rights to his privacy. You don’t know who he is spending his spare time with when he doesn’t answer your call or even take the time to respond to your text messages.

You don’t know his name and how it suddenly changed, you don’t get to travel together, you don’t get to relax at all because your other male friends are always an issue, everything is your fault, and you cannot be trusted. You don’t get the gifts you asked him for, it’s always some excuse.

What else is there to do? Plan your escape without further confrontation, and hope there’s no retaliation going forward.

Your temperaments start to rumble and you ask yourself, what are you going to do when he gets out of the shower, ready to enjoy a dinner for two? Do you really want to sit and eat pretending that your needs go unmet, just to keep the peace between you two?

During the time while he is in the shower, you wrestle in your mind what the outcome will be with making a split decision of going through with the planned dinner for two.

Silence and absence was all you could offer him, because you wanted to avoid any confrontation. When you walked out that door you did not know if you could even bare to face him anymore.

He set the tone, and you tried to adapt, but you were not willing to fully give into his control. Eventually, one of you will have to let it go!

Yours Truly, Racquél

50 & Counting

Someone said to me…”You’re 50 years old, you should be further along than where you are now!”

Yes! I’m 52 years old as a matter of fact!

I grew up in a small city, my parents Carl & Joyce moved us out of Southpark before I started kindergarten. In Kindergarten, crackers and orange juice was my most memorable snack. I attended Piney Point elementary in the city and I remember walking to school with my older sister. I was in the 3rd grade. I was maybe 8 years young! My parents bought a house in Missouri City, in the suburban area and in 4th grade I hated having to make new friends, but I was able to adapt and finish high school earning my diploma, excelling in dance and math! It was real easy back in the 80’s! My most memorable experience was being on the Drill Team where we performed at all of the high school football games.

I’m 52 years old on this picture!

After high school, my parents, (still married) helped me to transition to college in Prairie View, TX! Two years later, my Dad died from lung complications. That was painful. I wanted to come home and work to help my Mom with my two younger sisters. I remember working at Furrows Lumber yard as a cashier. My mom and a cousin, Robyn helped me get my first apartment back in the city with thrift store furnishings. Thanks Mom & Robyn.

I worked, a lot. I always had a job. The Gap, Foley’s, Macy’s, Armani Exchange, 9 West, JC Penny’s , Minute Maid, Chase Bank until I finally settled in at a non-profit organization affiliated with my church home. I was only 22 years old. I started working as a receptionist, and moved to become the administrative assistant to the Chief Administrative Officer. I loved being a administrator who provided support for day-day operations for the business. Although I did not complete my accounting degree from Prairie View, I obtained my BS/BA online. I knew it was one of my skills I was passionate about and I became great at what I loved to do.

Still 50!

Married at the ripe age of 33 and gave vaginal birth to 3 sons that are now 20, 19 & 17 years old. One graduate! Still working on 2 more high school diplomas! Not to mention, my marriage lasted 14 years, which was a huge accomplishment if you ask me! I don’t care what nobody says, if you’ve never been in a marriage, you won’t understand what I’ve been through!

Widowed at 46 years old, broken down to only one income, there was some bad decisions made during my time of grief. I traveled a lot, I was Adventurous, but who was holding me accountable when my other half left me? I was so accustomed to walking that straight & narrow path of married life raising kids and working full time jobs! Death came unexpectedly, so I started to live and see things differently.

Now it’s 2020 and yes I’m 52! Working from home, still raising my youngest son who is 17 now! Apartment living, with transportation, food to eat during this pandemic, COVID19 free! Still working from home on my same salary, drive for UberEats whenever I feel like it and have maintained being a travel agent for a year! Enjoy my healthy relationships with my family and my closest friends with whom I love dearly!

I’m 52, and still counting and living life on my terms, and yes things change, some decisions in life won’t always be the right decision, but I don’t quit, and one thing I know for sure is that my God always provide for me, even when I don’t believe in myself. I have learned to surrender to my higher power and it gives me peace beyond my own understanding!

Get you some love & peace and check back with me where you’re 52 and still counting!

Times of Uncertainty

Inhale the hope that you survive


Inhale the love that you found inside


Inhale the thoughts that cross your mind


Don’t get disappointed now

With these times of uncertainty

If you feel uncertain, you may need to make a move. You never know, it may be to another country.

It was my birthday, but I wasn’t expecting much. I’m usually out traveling for my birthday. I miss my travel buddies.

What is there to do when you are restricted to freely move around your city with a mask on and standing at least six feet apart. Restaurants requiring mask upon entry but as soon as your food is delivered the masks come off in public.

Intentionally we are supposed to succumb to the authorities of the land, but man! We need to find our own solutions.

Some streets are deserted, which could be a great thing, it is an indication of peace in our streets, but others are not so lucky.

Portland and Atlanta had it bad. Pray for Chicago is still in his plan. Just don’t get disappointed. Even through milestones, I know it is getting hard. We are trying to hold on to our family, because our distant friendships are cut off.

What tha’ F’fff is this about? Making us lose our clout!

Now you may see a few on the plane, but nevertheless… travel and learn a new language!


She takes the next flight Southbound…away from the noise of this disquieting disruption… distancing herself from the collective malfunction that contemplates quarantine options as a prelude to panic… My muse makes time to luxuriate in a sandy hammock… as I remain waist deep in margin calls on my resilience… all made from an acceptable social distance… my resistance is thwarted by the persistent insistence of my calling to lead… I’m spiritually present while my body pleads for an escape… desert or island… peninsula or cape… One photo and I am raptured to her exotic dreamscape… caught watching a tape that repeats everyday… I’ll heroically die slow if I stay… she makes me wanna get away… just close my eyes and blow this place… teleport to where Dominican days and nights await… I hear sapient songs sung by a girl who doesn’t date… she slays… and lives like there’s only today… she slays… and loses no sleep over how much she’ll have to pay… she slays… no limits by night and photo shoots by day… she slays… posting daily digital remnants of her wanderlust… and I have come to trust her seductive curation… and how the light on her body intoxicates like luscious libations in her glass… she’s smoldering sensuality wrapped in high society class… pure sass in a bikini, short shorts or an evening gown…and if she ever invites me I will be instantaneously down… dip up out of reality quietly without fury or sound… leave the grind behind and take the next flight Southbound.

Author Anonymous

I wrote a whole blog and it disappeared.

I wrote a whole blog about how good God has been throughout this new beginning! I do not even remember the name of the blog and I just wrote it! The devil is defeated so keep fighting with the full armor of God.

I was giving God so much praise, I guess the devil got mad and deleted it! Anyway to make a long story short and a short story shorter! I’m in a new place!

For so long I lived to provide, to teach, to guide my sons to prepare them for independence, and it’s now time to branch off from my two older sons. It’s a blessing for sure for them to accept my proposal. So I’m settling in with my youngest son and he also is watching every move I make. They don’t understand a lot of what I go through but they know that I am a believer that if you walk by faith and not by sight, all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to HIS purpose, not your Pastor’s purpose, not your significant other’s not your spouse’s purpose, not your job’s purpose but according to HIS purpose.

Thank you Lord for my mini Oasis! Deliver us from the evil one!

In Jesus name. Shalom


Periods of time that passes when you encounter someone who recognizes the masses of beauty within, but others pass by in passing and may never acknowledge your being and beauty because sometimes it just won’t happen.

I made a conscious effort to not use people for monetary gains; and maybe I suffer and lack things because of that choice. I’d rather go without or try harder to get it on my own than to mislead someone into thinking I love them. I chose to be who I am; authenticated in my DNA and mysteriously articulated.

I have encountered some really great platonic friends and I value that. Where two different genders can exist without a kiss or passing innuendos of some egotistical bliss. Just exist! I wanted to share this piece written by a friend of mine. I named it Tine~Lapse.

Time~Lapse written by a friend of mine.

Ever since I first laid eyes on you I’ve been spending my days searching my soul to find the proper words to describe how you make me feel when I see your smile when I see the wisdom in your eyes every time I think of you.

With you and me there is no in between, otherwise my soul would never be at peace. I sense with you the only emotion I can expect is the pain of a broken heart, needs that go unfulfilled, a vision never seen. We are so connected ,but so distant. I fear I have not acquired the wisdom to guide me through what my heart yearns for and what my spirit tells me will take me to another level of wisdom and faith, or bring every fiber of my being to it’s knees. I look in your eyes and see ……….you just texted me. I feel I have to resolve this dilemma internally; alone; in prayer. Besides it’s the strength you worship in your other half. The strength to take you without question or fear to places in your soul that you thought you had already gone. If you could only ………..No, I am here because of who you are.

The power that comes with bearing ones soul unequivocally; knowing that is what I unconsciously, unknowingly require; without concern for self. To love unconditionally; or not. Sure that going there alone may alter all that I know I have become. But not going there from fear of what might happen destroys more than self. Embracing destiny unknown, and new experiences in love and unrelenting peace and happiness. I’d rather fail seeking our destiny. ~

Author ~D.H.

So you want to go on vacation during a pandemic? Here’s what you need to know.

This new year has sprung in with some not so good news beginning with the tragic loss of Kobe Bryant and his daughter GiGi, but before we could mourn the loss of one of our greatest basketball players, here comes a wave of pandemic fear that most of the world was not prepared for. This had some overstocking up on toilet paper and grocery stores selling out of all disinfect products like Lysol, Clorox, and hand sanitizers!

People were ordered to Stay Home, businesses were closing to flatten the curve of this virus, and schools were redesigned to finish out the school year online.

I was beginning to count the days!

Now, after 70 odd days of staying home, and canceled trips due to COVID19, perhaps you feel like it’s somewhat safe to travel or maybe you would rather take the risk and feel a vacation is just the right thing you need to cure these stay at home blues.

Are you really ready to go on vacation? Here’s what you need to know!

  • Pick at least three destinations
  • Choose how many days you want to travel
  • Decide who will be traveling with you
  • Make sure your travel credentials are valid
  • What is the purpose for this vacation?
  • Is this vacation for Adults only or will the children come along?
  • What is your hotel preference?
  • What airline do you trust to fly with?
  • What preferred times are you willing to travel?
  • Most importantly book with a travel agent.

There’s more to know before you go, but these are ten things to ponder on before you even think about booking your next vacation!

If you don’t have a travel agent, I can help you plan accordingly so that you won’t have to stress over the small minute details of it all.

Click the link to contact me today!

If you’re ready for your next getaway!

The Puzzle

The Peace to your puzzle.

Anyone else out here can relate to dyslexia? The uncommon ability to transpose everything! Is that a mental phobia or a DNA disposable?

Stay Safe

Stay Home

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