Relationships

Repeatedly thinking about your narcissist is by grand design.

*Neuro linguistics programming is the influence of brain behavior through the use of language and communication to recode the way a person thinks or responds to stimuli.

I was watching a video on YouTube called…

“Repeatedly thinking about your narcissist is by grand design”

by Luminousz Ztarr https://youtu.be/EOdHdioQGng

I begin to watch this video, as I have been watching other videos about the narcissist and the empath and how they attract, because I, was in love with a narcissist. Some men can easily pick up on vulnerability, perhaps in some environments, they train themselves for that to use it to their advantage for whatever supplies they lack. For example money, love or sex.

*images from the video

Victory is mine; I thank God because HE never left my side.

I am not writing this to slander anyone’s name, but being the author, I have a right to write my own story and the characters involved, well just happened to be in my story.

Eduard, my ex, showed up as a surprise guest at my friend’s wedding I was attending in the Dominican Republic. Him and I had been fighting (verbally) back and forth for months prior to that about what I should be doing with my life, specifically my money.

He couldn’t accept that I left him and decided to start traveling to other places without him, and going back on my promise to marry him.

He wanted me to be with him just the way he was.

I couldn’t do that.

I wanted to see him for my friend’s wedding, but being with him would be in a totally different setting. Kinda like we are here together, but not really together. Just that bond type of let’s get together for old times sake.

During this trip, things started off well, but unfortunately, didn’t end well. He habitually thinks he can control me to allow him to cheat, but is it really cheating if we are not really together?

Did he feel used that I asked him to come and spend time with me and I didn’t return the favor? Was it a money issue that was on the table? After seven days with him, the exposure of me accepting calls from another man in his presence and then the confrontation of him fucking Kristina. I said,

This is toxic and we are hurting each other. For what? Let’s just go our separate ways. Apparently there’s a misunderstanding.

Eventually I told him…

“I believe one of the reasons this relationship did not work was because, when I met you, I gave you a special part of me that I should not have given you and that was my mind, body and my soul.”

(Fornication)

“After my husband died, I was vulnerable. I gave my body and my soul to you even though you never earned it, but I saw how you begged for me and I wanted to trust you.”

(Vulnerability)

“I felt sorry for you living in a 3rd world country, I gave you money. That was my mistake.”

(Empathy)

“I had no knowledge of what a Sanky was at that time. I was too naive to believe that a man like you could easily take advantage of me. I didn’t know it was your passion to …. manipulate me. ”

(Oblivious)

“I was just a free woman who was willing to give a chance to the man I fell in love with who told me he would make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.”

(Hopeless romantic)

“You told me you were a Sanky, (not directly,) but indirectly. You admitted to inviting women to your country to show them a “good time.” I did not want to believe it; but it was true because one of those women was ME!

I was immediately drawn into your attention to me, your culture, your desire to… manipulate me.”

(Fantasy)

I saw you as a human being with a passion to help other people. I saw you as a man who loved God. I saw you as a man who loved his family. I saw you as my husband.

(Love)

Until… you cheated on me. I had to leave you. I had to think about …. ME.

(Reality)

There is something evil deep inside that has a stronghold on you and it will not allow you to be free. The lies, the sex, the manipulation of the mind, and the facade of living two lives. You eventually begin to show the narcissistic side, and that part of you I despise.

(Release)

Detaching myself from all of that with space in my mind, he reaches out to me during the holidays just one last time to see if I’m on his mind. Yea sure, you’re on my mind and I wish you well my friend.

Time goes by with space in my mind and he reaches out to me again to ask if I forgot about him. I’m thinking to myself, ..

It was by your grand design to train me to have you always on my mind, but now your power was relinquished when you fucked, Kristiana, so now I have to move on with my life.

And what does the narcissist do? He turns everything around and tries to make my new amigo the center of his attention.

Telling me I gave another man my number and that I was talking to him in his presence, made him jealous.

(Narcissistic)

I say to him, “I am only doing the same thing you were doing and to me it’s no different!”

(Revenge)

After many attempts to make me feel guilty, I didn’t. I felt good about telling him the truth, “Yes, I gave another man my number, yes we talked on video in your presence. You know how your kind of men can be, very very persistent!”

After that confession he goes on to say “Go and be with him. I wish you well and it is better to block you to quiet the mind.”

I said, “Thank you, Papi. If you want to give up the best sex you’ve ever had, that’s going to be your problem!”

We both laughed! 😘

Time goes by with space in my mind and he reaches out to me one more time to ask…….

“Will you have sex with me one more time?”

I left him with NO REPLY!

I enjoyed the long journey, the laughs, the smiles, the traveling back and forth, learning Spanish, teaching him English, meeting new friends, seeing different parts of his culture and his country, the daily text messages and phone calls, the anticipation of going to see him again, the food he cooked for me, the beaches, the love he had to give……to me.

He had a motive, a strategic plan, maybe it was to have his baby, maybe for a visa, maybe it was just for the money or sex.

Thank God, I’m out now and Adiós to my Narcissist Ex!

Love with Good Intentions

Love with good intentions.

Even when you doubt that it’s true love, love them anyway.

Love with the intent that they may never love you the same way you love, but don’t take it personally.

Love is a choice and when you are faced with choosing to love someone you will know.

After you’ve loved (with or without boundaries) and you choose to leave that love,

leave knowing that your love did not fail, because you chose to love with good intentions.

Even though we fail in love,

Love never fails us.

Quél

I Forgive

There comes a time for cleansing and a time to reflect on your personal behaviors. A time to acknowledge where you were wrong or you may have experienced an interaction between you and another person and you felt they may have done the wrong thing. There is Power and Redemption in forgiveness.

I am a witness that it removes the hatred and the ill feelings of anger and perhaps one day you will be able to move forward in peace with or without their apology. I want to start from within and work my way through it. Yes, my travel experiences have been very exciting and fun, but it was not always the right thing to do and I am not sure how many people I have abused along the way. I am sorry for the abuse. I chose to open that door to love.

I wanted my eyes to see, my ears to hear, my nose to smell, my feet and my fingers to touch, and my tongue to taste the essence of true love. I was exposed to it all. I was all in. I truly loved.

My love experience had some astonishing and enlightening facts and secrets that were revealed to me. Revelations of good and bad can have its way of turning lives around and it is ok to acknowledge that revelation. His divine truth is only to be embraced and never rejected. Through acknowledgement and acceptance is when there will be a true change. Love is a state of being. It defines who you are and whose you are. When I can forgive, I can say I have accepted the full responsibility of love.

Quél

xoxo

Holy Week

I have the privilege to partake in the presence of the Holy Spirit daily, but during certain times of the year, there’s a special time set aside for worship, adoration, giving thanks, repentance, protection, and praise. We get the opportunity to go around this room and write down our thoughts and we pour out what’s in our minds and what’s on our hearts; not only for ourselves, but for those who are suffering, persecuted and or lost. I do not take this time for granted. I’m very grateful. I’m humble. An awesome place to be. Thank you.

Our Love is still Pending

Been there, done that and keep doing it again. Got the t-shirt and gave it to a friend! Lord forgive me, but I have been busy. You told me that I could have some fun, but never imagined you could bless me with this. I’m so grateful. Most honor to you Lord, I can’t do this without you.

Now mind you I am accustomed to planning at least two trips to the Dominican Republic each year because I have developed some friendships over the past three years.

When I say friendships, I am talking deeply rooted and connected friendships. People you just don’t want to live without. I know friends come and go, but this could be just for a season, who knows? I was lucky enough to go to Punta Cana twice in the month of February. Now how did I deserve all of this? I don’t know. My God is an awesome God. He Reigns!

For those who don’t really know me… Where do I began?

Trip #1 ~ February 2015 ~ Hard Rock Resort ~ Punta Cana ~ I met Eduard on a horseback riding excursion ~ Traveled with a wedding group.

Trip #2 ~ February 2015 (two weeks later) ~ Be Live Resort ~ Bayahibe

Trip #3 ~ May 2015 ~ Air BnB ~ Volato Group ~ Cap Cana

Trip #4 ~ August 2015 ~ AlSol Luxury ~ Cap Cana

Trip #5 ~ February 2016 ~ Manaya BnB ~ Bavaro

Trip #6 ~ August 2016 ~ Paradisus ~ Punta Cana ~ Mi Cumpleaños

Trip #7 ~ May 2017 ~ Los Corales / Green Village Bavaro / Cap Cana

Ok so now that you’re caught up, on my Love Experience, let me tell you what’s really on my mind.

By this time, (my 7th trip) I’m thinking… is this getting old? I could be traveling to other places. I keep returning to this secret rendezvous, risking my life with you know who. I can do better.

So what’s next? Here comes the 90-day ultimatum to take charge of my own destiny.

No more weighing the pros and cons, I just want to know if he’s the one. And if in fact in 90 days it’s not what I expect, I should just stop and walk away because this is all just a fantasy anyway.

May 24, 2017

I send a Letter to my X

In the beginning, it was a discovery process to learn that your culture has taught you to invite foreign women to your country to come visit you.

I was one of them.

I fell in love with you and accepted you for who you were. But now, I do not believe you want to let go of that opportunity for me and for that reason I’m out. I could be wrong, but I’m willing to risk my life that I am right. Holding on to the most impossible love.

I know we had some language barriers that we both have managed to overcome. He speaks and understands Spanish very well, but as for me, I can read Spanish, but I do not speak Spanish fluently. When I sent him this letter, I am pretty sure he understood when I said, I’m out. I quit. I’m done. Let’s move on without each other. Caput. Finito.

It didn’t take me 90 days to determine what I wanted. I gave it all that I could give without expecting much in return, but to have a safe and good trip. Thank God they were all that. Safe, fun, authentic, happy times.

If I can recall, he agreed to my request saying, if that’s what you want it’s your decision.

Ok great. We’re good. No problem. You know how sometimes you think you can be strong enough to leave the door open, thinking you can just be friends with your ex? Well, I did that. If I ever decide to return to his country, I can have someone to call on if I ever needed anything. I left that door open.

May ~ June 2017

I worked hard to release my new book. The Love Experience ~ I was minding my own business trying to get the job done. I wanted to release my second self published book by my birthday. This was my way of rewarding myself. I thank God for allowing me to get it done with the help of my family and friends and some private sponsors. I felt like I had won! Not only did I get the job done, I was able to go on another trip last year to Puerto Rico and had more fun. This was my way of convincing myself (and him), yeah Papi, we’re done!

By the end of July, I am feeling good and confident and free. Although there were a lot of arguing back and forth between him and I. A fiasco or two still couldn’t hold us back.

For my book release party he tried to show some support by putting up my pictures as his profile picture in WhatsApp, but didn’t touch that Facebook page though. Hmmm cute Papi, but I am still moving on. Gracias.

By August, I was booking another trip to go back to Punta Cana, but it wasn’t for him. This time it was for myself. My first Group trip to the Dominican Republic. Actually my second group trip. The first one was for a wedding. Everyone else was kinda on their own. I was looking forward to some new and exciting fun. Remember I’m moving on.

September ~ 2017

Not much had changed, we still talked everyday if he had internet or could go in the street to connect to the wi~fi.

In October, as his friend, I decided to send him a gift for his birthday. It was then, things begin to change.

November ~ December ended the year on a pleasant vibe.

January 2018 the time for me to return is very close and all of a sudden, he wants to get married in February during my Be Mine Trip. Uhhhh no, if you would’ve done this right in the beginning, we wouldn’t have to rush and get married and what’s the rush for anyway? Besides, most importantly you have not proposed! The phone rings through WhatsApp. We have a conversation about what’s going on in his brain. He had it all planned out it seems. By the end of that call, he asked me to marry him. He can’t be serious right now, but things got silent… he was waiting on my answer.

He tried everything in his power to convince me of what he wanted to do. I couldn’t see how we could pull off a wedding in less than 30 days. There’s no way.

We spent days in WhatsApp sending documents back and forth. I guess trying to prove to each other and calling each other’s bluff. He got his birth certificate, I got mine. He got his affidavit of solteria, I got mine. We faced many many obstacles on this journey and getting these papers together was one of them. I realized I had to send mine to Austin to have them authenticated and they also needed to be translated into Spanish. I discovered this entire process takes time and money if you want them expedited quickly; but with limited resources, I decided that this was not going to happen when I had planned to come for my trips in February. Not sure if he was ok with that, but he never gives up.

He says to me, “Bring the rings and I will propose in February.” Hmmmmm

What kind of ring can he buy me? Would I wear it? Would I like it? Tricky Tricky Tricky.

I went looking for something very casual, yet sentimental for us. The Trio of Rings was exactly what I chose. Something that he could afford. Who needs 5 carats anyway? This is about true love.

I have lost count on how many times I told him I wanted to give up. Traveling back and forth in the name of Love.

But for someone without much, he has a savvy way of proving his love for me.

He communicates with me daily, he meets me where and when I need him. He gives me attention, he leads me to believe I am the most important woman in his life. He is appreciative. He is funny. He is forgiving. He is supportive. He is patient. He can be very sincere at times. He can be trusted. He is my love.

“This just doesn’t seem to be ending, he keeps us alive; our love is still pending; but if he ever stops texting me we are surely to go our separate ways.

Two hearts that could never be mended. “If he ever said he loved me, trust me, he did.”

Still exploring Love in the DR🇩🇴

The Trio of Rings

Available on Amazon, this book “The Love Experience,” is my personal memoir about traveling overseas to the República Dominicana 🇩🇴

Falling in love ~ losing control and just having fun through it all. I miss that slice of paradise. This journey has not stopped me yet!

For the mysterious reasons unbeknownst to us, it was about three years ago when we were Crossing Paths, heaven placed a Teardrop of joy on our destiny giving us a Shimmering Wish for the unity of this fantasy. #theloveexperience #travel #fantasy #romance #thepoetryjournal #pandora

I found these rings and each ring has a name.

1. Crossing Paths

2. Teardrop

3. Shimmering Wish

Each one is symbolic ~ a Trio of Rings for 3 years in this relationship.

Crossing the Paths of Life ~ 6 February 2015

Cruce de vías en la vida ~ 6 de febrero 2015

Heaven’s Teardrop of joy on our destiny for year #2

Lágrima del cielo sobre nuestro destino durante dos años

Giving us a Shimmering Wish for the unity of this fantasy

Que nos da un brillante deseo por la unidad de esta fantasía

A Genuine Love like Mine Un verdadero amor como el mío

Translation: Believe it or not, I love you very much. ~

Eduard Vicente

The Trio of the rings is symbolic to me living out my fantasy!

Thank you for following me.

The Poetry Journal

Raquel Vicente

~Shalom

Embrace for the Downfall

In the beginning, it was a discovery process; to learn about his culture and how he treats foreign women. I was one of them. I couldn’t understand his aggressive attention he had for me.

I released my expectations and stood on the other side of my guarded walls. We only wanted to enjoy each other’s company. What I wanted with him wasn’t realistic at all. Who can you trust in another country? But I wanted him.

He was the reason I exhaled 💋

My paradise when I was overwhelmed

My hope for another escape 🏖

My fire 🔥

My alone time.

He was my space ❤️

Watching, observing and talking to him daily, I became attached to his behaviors. Being so attached to him had me wanting one more escapade with him. Torn between tied down without an escape from him; and wanting that fairytale of a wedding with him, but knowing darn well I could be miserable with him. It’s such a big risk.

What am I willing to do to risk it all? Ignore the signs, and embrace for the downfall? Not at all. When I try to end it, now he wants to make the call. “Compra los dos anillos y manda arreglar los papeles de la boda. Y nos casamos. “ (Buy the rings, arrange the wedding papers and we can get married.”)

Uh… No. I don’t want to buy the rings, all I want is you.

My desire for him may just be my downfall.

A Love Overseas

I don’t like waiting. Most of the time I like to get what I want, when I want it and if I don’t get it when I want it, somedays I want to give up on even wanting it anymore.

Does love endure long suffering? Does love have a reward or does love just love?

Distance separates lust from love, but what happens when you love to lust for the one you love?

Besos mami

Aguanta hasta febrero

Para hacerte el amor como un loco furioso

Overseas, it’s hard to see this love lasting endlessly. I don’t know if this wait is what it’s supposed to be. I’m sorry to give up on a love overseas. I give up ~ Lo Siento

True Story

The Poetry Journal wants to connect with you to identify the insecurities in your relationships. Fear, self-doubt, or jealousy. These feelings can occur. We all may experience some level of vulnerability when we choose to love, but you can work through them to achieve your level of confidence.

My book, “The Love Experience” is based on a love affair overseas and I write about identifying the many insecurities I faced and how they affect us psychologically. This Love Experience is based on a true story and is now available on Amazon.com. You can click here to buy your paperback

My Henna Artist @domsol has her copy!

My sister’s friend read her copy on vacation in St. Lucia.

My hair stylist just gave birth to her beautiful new born baby girl and she also has her copy.

This is a blessing to see my work in the hands of the ones I love. I know that I have more work to do to continue to reach you! Thank you Lord for my destiny. God is Glorious all the time.

Author | Blogger | Poet

Raquél Helm

Reward Yourself

Hello to you all! I am just getting back from a summer vacation to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Celebrating good friendships, birthdays and my new book release. Take the time to rewards yourself, even if it's a small success.

This photo of myself with these books stacked in crates on the streets in San Juan shouted out to me. My beloved friend, took the picture. To her it was just a bunch of books, but I saw something different. A perfect opportunity to use this photo as a marketing piece. I love it!

I'm sharing my creative writing content on romance, travel and fantasy all wrapped up in my new book called
"The Love Experience" ~ Blog Edition.

Get all the tea on a mysterious love overseas and a lesson or two about loving you!

Now available on Kindle! Specifically priced for $7.25 or paperback for $17.25.
Thank you for supporting self published authors like me.

Photo credit: Ché Allen

Raquél H. 💕

Click here for delivery

Now available on Kindle


More great news! 

I’ve expanded the distribution of my new book, “The Love Experience” because I know the hopeless romantics need instant gratification; in which we know is not always a good decision.  However, in this case, now you can sit back, relax and enjoy this good tea over the summer. 

Creative writing content on romance, travel and fantasy, all wrapped up in “The Love Experience” now available on Kindle! 

Specifically priced for $7.25! 

Click here for your free sample!

So go ahead and judge a book by its cover. 💕🇩🇴😝

Thank you for supporting self publishing authors! 

#mybusiness #mydestiny #selfpublishing #theloveexperience #thepoetryjournal

Love never fails, but we do.

Love with good intentions.  Even when you doubt that it’s true love, love them anyway.  Love with the intent that they may never love you the same way you love, but don’t take it personally.  

Love is a choice and when you are faced with choosing to love someone you will know.  After you’ve loved (with or without boundaries) and you choose to leave that love, leave knowing that your love did not fail because you chose to love with good intentions.  Even though we fell in love, Love never fails us.  

Pat yourself on the back for having the courage to love.  

Raquel©