Repeatedly thinking about your narcissist is by grand design.

*Neuro linguistics programming is the influence of brain behavior through the use of language and communication to recode the way a person thinks or responds to stimuli.

I was watching a video on YouTube called…

“Repeatedly thinking about your narcissist is by grand design”

by Luminousz Ztarr https://youtu.be/EOdHdioQGng

I begin to watch this video, as I have been watching other videos about the narcissist and the empath and how they attract, because I, was in love with a narcissist. Some men can easily pick up on vulnerability, perhaps in some environments, they train themselves for that to use it to their advantage for whatever supplies they lack. For example money, love or sex.

*images from the video

Victory is mine; I thank God because HE never left my side.

I am not writing this to slander anyone’s name, but being the author, I have a right to write my own story and the characters involved, well just happened to be in my story.

Eduard, my ex, showed up as a surprise guest at my friend’s wedding I was attending in the Dominican Republic. Him and I had been fighting (verbally) back and forth for months prior to that about what I should be doing with my life, specifically my money.

He couldn’t accept that I left him and decided to start traveling to other places without him, and going back on my promise to marry him.

He wanted me to be with him just the way he was.

I couldn’t do that.

I wanted to see him for my friend’s wedding, but being with him would be in a totally different setting. Kinda like we are here together, but not really together. Just that bond type of let’s get together for old times sake.

During this trip, things started off well, but unfortunately, didn’t end well. He habitually thinks he can control me to allow him to cheat, but is it really cheating if we are not really together?

Did he feel used that I asked him to come and spend time with me and I didn’t return the favor? Was it a money issue that was on the table? After seven days with him, the exposure of me accepting calls from another man in his presence and then the confrontation of him fucking Kristina. I said,

This is toxic and we are hurting each other. For what? Let’s just go our separate ways. Apparently there’s a misunderstanding.

Eventually I told him…

“I believe one of the reasons this relationship did not work was because, when I met you, I gave you a special part of me that I should not have given you and that was my mind, body and my soul.”

(Fornication)

“After my husband died, I was vulnerable. I gave my body and my soul to you even though you never earned it, but I saw how you begged for me and I wanted to trust you.”

(Vulnerability)

“I felt sorry for you living in a 3rd world country, I gave you money. That was my mistake.”

(Empathy)

“I had no knowledge of what a Sanky was at that time. I was too naive to believe that a man like you could easily take advantage of me. I didn’t know it was your passion to …. manipulate me. ”

(Oblivious)

“I was just a free woman who was willing to give a chance to the man I fell in love with who told me he would make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.”

(Hopeless romantic)

“You told me you were a Sanky, (not directly,) but indirectly. You admitted to inviting women to your country to show them a “good time.” I did not want to believe it; but it was true because one of those women was ME!

I was immediately drawn into your attention to me, your culture, your desire to… manipulate me.”

(Fantasy)

I saw you as a human being with a passion to help other people. I saw you as a man who loved God. I saw you as a man who loved his family. I saw you as my husband.

(Love)

Untilyou cheated on me. I had to leave you. I had to think about …. ME.

(Reality)

There is something evil deep inside that has a stronghold on you and it will not allow you to be free. The lies, the sex, the manipulation of the mind, and the facade of living two lives. You eventually begin to show the narcissistic side, and that part of you I despise.

(Release)

Detaching myself from all of that with space in my mind, he reaches out to me during the holidays just one last time to see if I’m on his mind. Yea sure, you’re on my mind and I wish you well my friend.

Time goes by with space in my mind and he reaches out to me again to ask if I forgot about him. I’m thinking to myself, ..

It was by your grand design to train me to have you always on my mind, but now your power was relinquished when you fucked, Kristiana, so now I have to move on with my life.

And what does the narcissist do? He turns everything around and tries to make my new amigo the center of his attention.

Telling me I gave another man my number and that I was talking to him in his presence, made him jealous.

(Narcissistic)

I say to him, “I am only doing the same thing you were doing and to me it’s no different!”

(Revenge)

After many attempts to make me feel guilty, I didn’t. I felt good about telling him the truth, “Yes, I gave another man my number, yes we talked on video in your presence. You know how your kind of men can be, very very persistent!”

After that confession he goes on to say “Go and be with him. I wish you well and it is better to block you to quiet the mind.”

I said, “Thank you, Papi. If you want to give up the best sex you’ve ever had, that’s going to be your problem!”

We both laughed! 😘

Time goes by with space in my mind and he reaches out to me one more time to ask…….

“Will you have sex with me one more time?”

I left him with NO REPLY!

I enjoyed the long journey, the laughs, the smiles, the traveling back and forth, learning Spanish, teaching him English, meeting new friends, seeing different parts of his culture and his country, the daily text messages and phone calls, the anticipation of going to see him again, the food he cooked for me, the beaches, the love he had to give……to me.

He had a motive, a strategic plan, maybe it was to have his baby, maybe for a visa, maybe it was just for the money or sex.

Thank God, I’m out now and Adiós to my Narcissist Ex!

I Understand

From IAH to SDQ

Trip No. 10

Dominican Republic ~ When I am there I feel free. Flying into the capital (Santo Domingo) and a two hour scenic drive to a Romantic beachfront property in Uvero Alto and then back to the capital… Lord, I’m so in love!

You don’t want me to acknowledge the pain.

You only want me to acknowledge the good again.

I understand

Now that I’ve turned my back to you, I know you’re hurting too, but what are you teaching me?

Not to be blue?

Just as you think of me daily, the consequences of your actions reminds me daily not to let you back in until you can acknowledge the pain I’m in!

What you’ve learned to accept in your culture may not be ok in mine. If you can’t live without me, then you have to confess that what you feel is true.

Which is… You can’t be without me and you don’t want to be blue!

#poetry #author #blogger #travel #romancetourism #theloveexperience #thepoetryjournal

Declare what you Desire

Paralyzed by the love we found, he likes the way I love. I’m stepping way out of my comfort zone now, Lord keep carrying me down this road. Protection means to set boundaries. Be patient and be bold. Declare what you desire! Let your intentions be known. #thepoetryjournal

I opened the door to love and I was amazed at what I could find. You would not believe my story if I told you how this all began from my very first time on this island.

But don’t think for a second it’s been all peaches and cream, from a fantasy unfolding to a reality untold. This has not been easy.

Things can be going good, but when the flames go out we find a way to ignite them again. Isn’t that what love is about? To keep finding your way in and out?

Just as you can see the clear blue skies, the trees taller than you could ever climb. The sand and shore for miles and miles. This is Faith because I never thought I could have this. Never imagined that I could deserve this. If I would have waited to depend on him, I would not be here writing this.

If you want something and you have the desire to make it happen, declare what you desire. There’s many ways to go about getting what you want, but the route I took was truly a faith walk. I had fear, but I also had love. The Lord’s love for us allowed this to happen. I have not done this on my own.

This romantic abode sits right on the shore in Uvero Alto in the Dominican Republic. It is elevated above a gift shop so when the sun rises, it’s something you don’t want to miss. It’s stocked with essentials like milk, juice, eggs, bread, cereal, coffee, fruit, and more. There is Wi-fi, even a portable wi-fi if you decide to go out on the beach, now that’s a plus.

It has two electric burners, a panini grill and a microwave. I was just in my own little heaven. It really felt like home. When I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw the view of the moon shining very bright along the ocean, I knew that God was with me. I can’t thank him enough for his protection and his grace that abounds much more. The host for this Air BnB deserves a 10 for superb service, accommodations, cleanliness and great communication throughout my entire stay!

I want to return one day to this cozy place and explore love all over again with a rendezvous face to face.

Click here for $40 and find yourself a nice get away. Step out of your comfort zone and step into love. Define love for yourself. Live, Love and Travel!

Quél

Great! Great!

Who are you? How do you define who you are? Where does your inner being reside? Have you explored that greater side of yourself? Do you feel the need to reach deep within? Do you deserve to live a better life?

I AM…

A Mother

A Sibling

A Poet

An Author

A Traveler

A Blogger

A Helper

A Healer

An Administrator

A Life

A Love …

If you’re not there yet, you can go there. Meditate, study, create who you desire to be, or just be yourself. For some, that comes so easy. Pick a mentor or become one. I know you have found an example of greatness in someone you know. Learn to focus more on what’s inside and how you can cultivate your gifts.

We all can use a lot more love to get us through the days. Enjoy your journey and share your success with others. You never know who you can inspire.

Tap into your greater side and learn to give back.

Xoxo

Quél

Lord, I Love You More!

RIU Republica

Adventures can take you places you never thought you could go.

AlSol Del Mar

AlSol Del Mar

I found my adventure on the beaches of the Dominican Republic shores.

Hard Rock Resort Punta Cana

Even my very first time on the beach, I literally fell in love.

Be Live ~ Bayahibe

It was something I began to embrace and a fantasy I began to create. Had me traveling overseas back and forth.

Tortuga Bay ~ Cap Cana

God, I am loving these beaches, but I love you more. I do not take for granted that your mercy and your grace has allowed me to explore your everlasting love for me on the beaches of your world.

Playa Blanca ~ Punta Cana

Los Corales ~ Bavaro

API Beach

Juanillo Beach

Macao Beach

I love these beaches, but Lord I love you more! Thank you.

Our Love is still Pending

Been there, done that and keep doing it again. Got the t-shirt and gave it to a friend! Lord forgive me, but I have been busy. You told me that I could have some fun, but never imagined you could bless me with this. I’m so grateful. Most honor to you Lord, I can’t do this without you.

Now mind you I am accustomed to planning at least two trips to the Dominican Republic each year because I have developed some friendships over the past three years.

When I say friendships, I am talking deeply rooted and connected friendships. People you just don’t want to live without. I know friends come and go, but this could be just for a season, who knows? I was lucky enough to go to Punta Cana twice in the month of February. Now how did I deserve all of this? I don’t know. My God is an awesome God. He Reigns!

For those who don’t really know me… Where do I began?

Trip #1 ~ February 2015 ~ Hard Rock Resort ~ Punta Cana ~ I met Eduard on a horseback riding excursion ~ Traveled with a wedding group.

Trip #2 ~ February 2015 (two weeks later) ~ Be Live Resort ~ Bayahibe

Trip #3 ~ May 2015 ~ Air BnB ~ Volato Group ~ Cap Cana

Trip #4 ~ August 2015 ~ AlSol Luxury ~ Cap Cana

Trip #5 ~ February 2016 ~ Manaya BnB ~ Bavaro

Trip #6 ~ August 2016 ~ Paradisus ~ Punta Cana ~ Mi Cumpleaños

Trip #7 ~ May 2017 ~ Los Corales / Green Village Bavaro / Cap Cana

Ok so now that you’re caught up, on my Love Experience, let me tell you what’s really on my mind.

By this time, (my 7th trip) I’m thinking… is this getting old? I could be traveling to other places. I keep returning to this secret rendezvous, risking my life with you know who. I can do better.

So what’s next? Here comes the 90-day ultimatum to take charge of my own destiny.

No more weighing the pros and cons, I just want to know if he’s the one. And if in fact in 90 days it’s not what I expect, I should just stop and walk away because this is all just a fantasy anyway.

May 24, 2017

I send a Letter to my X

In the beginning, it was a discovery process to learn that your culture has taught you to invite foreign women to your country to come visit you.

I was one of them.

I fell in love with you and accepted you for who you were. But now, I do not believe you want to let go of that opportunity for me and for that reason I’m out. I could be wrong, but I’m willing to risk my life that I am right. Holding on to the most impossible love.

I know we had some language barriers that we both have managed to overcome. He speaks and understands Spanish very well, but as for me, I can read Spanish, but I do not speak Spanish fluently. When I sent him this letter, I am pretty sure he understood when I said, I’m out. I quit. I’m done. Let’s move on without each other. Caput. Finito.

It didn’t take me 90 days to determine what I wanted. I gave it all that I could give without expecting much in return, but to have a safe and good trip. Thank God they were all that. Safe, fun, authentic, happy times.

If I can recall, he agreed to my request saying, if that’s what you want it’s your decision.

Ok great. We’re good. No problem. You know how sometimes you think you can be strong enough to leave the door open, thinking you can just be friends with your ex? Well, I did that. If I ever decide to return to his country, I can have someone to call on if I ever needed anything. I left that door open.

May ~ June 2017

I worked hard to release my new book. The Love Experience ~ I was minding my own business trying to get the job done. I wanted to release my second self published book by my birthday. This was my way of rewarding myself. I thank God for allowing me to get it done with the help of my family and friends and some private sponsors. I felt like I had won! Not only did I get the job done, I was able to go on another trip last year to Puerto Rico and had more fun. This was my way of convincing myself (and him), yeah Papi, we’re done!

By the end of July, I am feeling good and confident and free. Although there were a lot of arguing back and forth between him and I. A fiasco or two still couldn’t hold us back.

For my book release party he tried to show some support by putting up my pictures as his profile picture in WhatsApp, but didn’t touch that Facebook page though. Hmmm cute Papi, but I am still moving on. Gracias.

By August, I was booking another trip to go back to Punta Cana, but it wasn’t for him. This time it was for myself. My first Group trip to the Dominican Republic. Actually my second group trip. The first one was for a wedding. Everyone else was kinda on their own. I was looking forward to some new and exciting fun. Remember I’m moving on.

September ~ 2017

Not much had changed, we still talked everyday if he had internet or could go in the street to connect to the wi~fi.

In October, as his friend, I decided to send him a gift for his birthday. It was then, things begin to change.

November ~ December ended the year on a pleasant vibe.

January 2018 the time for me to return is very close and all of a sudden, he wants to get married in February during my Be Mine Trip. Uhhhh no, if you would’ve done this right in the beginning, we wouldn’t have to rush and get married and what’s the rush for anyway? Besides, most importantly you have not proposed! The phone rings through WhatsApp. We have a conversation about what’s going on in his brain. He had it all planned out it seems. By the end of that call, he asked me to marry him. He can’t be serious right now, but things got silent… he was waiting on my answer.

He tried everything in his power to convince me of what he wanted to do. I couldn’t see how we could pull off a wedding in less than 30 days. There’s no way.

We spent days in WhatsApp sending documents back and forth. I guess trying to prove to each other and calling each other’s bluff. He got his birth certificate, I got mine. He got his affidavit of solteria, I got mine. We faced many many obstacles on this journey and getting these papers together was one of them. I realized I had to send mine to Austin to have them authenticated and they also needed to be translated into Spanish. I discovered this entire process takes time and money if you want them expedited quickly; but with limited resources, I decided that this was not going to happen when I had planned to come for my trips in February. Not sure if he was ok with that, but he never gives up.

He says to me, “Bring the rings and I will propose in February.” Hmmmmm

What kind of ring can he buy me? Would I wear it? Would I like it? Tricky Tricky Tricky.

I went looking for something very casual, yet sentimental for us. The Trio of Rings was exactly what I chose. Something that he could afford. Who needs 5 carats anyway? This is about true love.

I have lost count on how many times I told him I wanted to give up. Traveling back and forth in the name of Love.

But for someone without much, he has a savvy way of proving his love for me.

He communicates with me daily, he meets me where and when I need him. He gives me attention, he leads me to believe I am the most important woman in his life. He is appreciative. He is funny. He is forgiving. He is supportive. He is patient. He can be very sincere at times. He can be trusted. He is my love.

“This just doesn’t seem to be ending, he keeps us alive; our love is still pending; but if he ever stops texting me we are surely to go our separate ways.

Two hearts that could never be mended. “If he ever said he loved me, trust me, he did.”

Still exploring Love in the DR🇩🇴

Authenticity

This is where the magic happens.

I took this photo walking upon Juanillo Beach and the breeze was so cool that evening I wanted to turn around and run back to my taxi, but I stayed because I love the beaches in the Dominican Republic and I know that each moment I spend there it brings me life.

Some random man photo bombed my picture!

Just me in my element. Lord, you just keep loving me, even if I feel I don’t deserve it. I want to make this right. This feels right at home for me. This is authenticity!

por el amor tan grande que nos tenenos te pido que juntemos nuestras vida en matrimonio