Repeatedly thinking about your narcissist is by grand design.

*Neuro linguistics programming is the influence of brain behavior through the use of language and communication to recode the way a person thinks or responds to stimuli.

I was watching a video on YouTube called…

“Repeatedly thinking about your narcissist is by grand design”

by Luminousz Ztarr https://youtu.be/EOdHdioQGng

I begin to watch this video, as I have been watching other videos about the narcissist and the empath and how they attract, because I, was in love with a narcissist. Some men can easily pick up on vulnerability, perhaps in some environments, they train themselves for that to use it to their advantage for whatever supplies they lack. For example money, love or sex.

*images from the video

Victory is mine; I thank God because HE never left my side.

I am not writing this to slander anyone’s name, but being the author, I have a right to write my own story and the characters involved, well just happened to be in my story.

Eduard, my ex, showed up as a surprise guest at my friend’s wedding I was attending in the Dominican Republic. Him and I had been fighting (verbally) back and forth for months prior to that about what I should be doing with my life, specifically my money.

He couldn’t accept that I left him and decided to start traveling to other places without him, and going back on my promise to marry him.

He wanted me to be with him just the way he was.

I couldn’t do that.

I wanted to see him for my friend’s wedding, but being with him would be in a totally different setting. Kinda like we are here together, but not really together. Just that bond type of let’s get together for old times sake.

During this trip, things started off well, but unfortunately, didn’t end well. He habitually thinks he can control me to allow him to cheat, but is it really cheating if we are not really together?

Did he feel used that I asked him to come and spend time with me and I didn’t return the favor? Was it a money issue that was on the table? After seven days with him, the exposure of me accepting calls from another man in his presence and then the confrontation of him fucking Kristina. I said,

This is toxic and we are hurting each other. For what? Let’s just go our separate ways. Apparently there’s a misunderstanding.

Eventually I told him…

“I believe one of the reasons this relationship did not work was because, when I met you, I gave you a special part of me that I should not have given you and that was my mind, body and my soul.”

(Fornication)

“After my husband died, I was vulnerable. I gave my body and my soul to you even though you never earned it, but I saw how you begged for me and I wanted to trust you.”

(Vulnerability)

“I felt sorry for you living in a 3rd world country, I gave you money. That was my mistake.”

(Empathy)

“I had no knowledge of what a Sanky was at that time. I was too naive to believe that a man like you could easily take advantage of me. I didn’t know it was your passion to …. manipulate me. ”

(Oblivious)

“I was just a free woman who was willing to give a chance to the man I fell in love with who told me he would make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.”

(Hopeless romantic)

“You told me you were a Sanky, (not directly,) but indirectly. You admitted to inviting women to your country to show them a “good time.” I did not want to believe it; but it was true because one of those women was ME!

I was immediately drawn into your attention to me, your culture, your desire to… manipulate me.”

(Fantasy)

I saw you as a human being with a passion to help other people. I saw you as a man who loved God. I saw you as a man who loved his family. I saw you as my husband.

(Love)

Untilyou cheated on me. I had to leave you. I had to think about …. ME.

(Reality)

There is something evil deep inside that has a stronghold on you and it will not allow you to be free. The lies, the sex, the manipulation of the mind, and the facade of living two lives. You eventually begin to show the narcissistic side, and that part of you I despise.

(Release)

Detaching myself from all of that with space in my mind, he reaches out to me during the holidays just one last time to see if I’m on his mind. Yea sure, you’re on my mind and I wish you well my friend.

Time goes by with space in my mind and he reaches out to me again to ask if I forgot about him. I’m thinking to myself, ..

It was by your grand design to train me to have you always on my mind, but now your power was relinquished when you fucked, Kristiana, so now I have to move on with my life.

And what does the narcissist do? He turns everything around and tries to make my new amigo the center of his attention.

Telling me I gave another man my number and that I was talking to him in his presence, made him jealous.

(Narcissistic)

I say to him, “I am only doing the same thing you were doing and to me it’s no different!”

(Revenge)

After many attempts to make me feel guilty, I didn’t. I felt good about telling him the truth, “Yes, I gave another man my number, yes we talked on video in your presence. You know how your kind of men can be, very very persistent!”

After that confession he goes on to say “Go and be with him. I wish you well and it is better to block you to quiet the mind.”

I said, “Thank you, Papi. If you want to give up the best sex you’ve ever had, that’s going to be your problem!”

We both laughed! 😘

Time goes by with space in my mind and he reaches out to me one more time to ask…….

“Will you have sex with me one more time?”

I left him with NO REPLY!

I enjoyed the long journey, the laughs, the smiles, the traveling back and forth, learning Spanish, teaching him English, meeting new friends, seeing different parts of his culture and his country, the daily text messages and phone calls, the anticipation of going to see him again, the food he cooked for me, the beaches, the love he had to give……to me.

He had a motive, a strategic plan, maybe it was to have his baby, maybe for a visa, maybe it was just for the money or sex.

Thank God, I’m out now and Adiós to my Narcissist Ex!

Can you save yourself?

Lately I’ve been seeking God’s will because I want to know what God’s will is for me. Although I have been taught, I wanted to know for myself what the word says and what is true.

I searched scriptures relating to God’s will. He knows the plans he has for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you and to give you hope and a future. Well, that is promising. We should also give thanks in all circumstances. Not a few, but all circumstances. That’s like saying, Thank you Lord, all day everyday.

He wants us to come to a knowledge of the Truth. What is truth to you?

Love with Good Intentions

Love with good intentions.

Even when you doubt that it’s true love, love them anyway.

Love with the intent that they may never love you the same way you love, but don’t take it personally.

Love is a choice and when you are faced with choosing to love someone you will know.

After you’ve loved (with or without boundaries) and you choose to leave that love,

leave knowing that your love did not fail, because you chose to love with good intentions.

Even though we fail in love,

Love never fails us.

Quél

What’s Most Important?

Always remember, no matter how bad some things are, they could always be worst and no matter how good things are, there is always room for things to get better. Better is always around the corner.

You are one of the best, because there are so many great things about you, that if you get caught up on focusing on one thing, you might miss what’s most important. ~You. ~ Anonymous

It is still Good Friday

For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

Esther 4:14-16 KJV

Despite the list of all tragic events in the world, it is still Good Friday! A time of remembrance that we are saved by mercy and His grace is sufficient for us all.

Resurrection Weekend

Enjoy your time with your family!

Be Joyful!

Be Joyful today. I know it’s hard sometimes because of what you’re going through or being exposed to others suffering. All we can do is try to be joyful.

I was catching up on the world news this past weekend and discovered that a man who was residing in Puerto Rico committed suicide. He had gone without a sufficient supply of food, clean water and electricity. The very next day after he passed away, the electricity was restored to his home.

Lord, when we are suffering from a lack of food, clean water and electricity, how long can we hold on?

FEB 20 2018, 3:26 PM ET

Suicide rates spike in Puerto Rico, five months after Maria

BY NICOLE ACEVEDO

Click here to read the full article

The March For Our Lives took place on our nation’s capital and other states around the world to bring attention to the gun laws to prevent mass school shootings. There were some pretty impressive speeches and some peculiar things happening on that stage. This one student threw up in the middle of her speech and stated, “I just threw up and it feels great!” I didn’t know if she was nervous about speaking publicly or had a hangover!

Click here to see how she bounced back from vomiting!

On a personal note, our Family Church Fast is finally over. I probably lost five pounds so now I need to eat like 10x to gain the weight I lost. Lol God gave me a small frame. I was not trying to lose any weight but I was led to fast and pray. I have some major decisions to make and I want the Holy Trinity to lead me into making these decisions. Thy will be done. YHWH

My oldest son should be graduating this year, but has been borderline with his academic success. As a parent, I take full responsibility for his failures. Being a single mother has its full responsibility and my plate is full. One day at a time, they try to ensure me that they will get the job done. They tell me I worry too much. Ok but when it’s time to graduate and you do not make it across that stage to get your high school diploma, then who is the one going to be worried now? Get it done, son!

I received a text from my long term, overseas friend, mi novio, now currently my fiancé asking me if we are getting married in April. I am thinking to myself, why did he ask me that? I paused for a long time because I did not know how to respond to him. Only God knows the plans he has for us. It is up to us to be close enough in communion with HIM to follow his lead. I am only trying to be obedient to the call.

This entire process of trying to marry someone from another country has been challenging. I am trying to learn the correct process in how to get things done.

1. Papers Apostilled

2. Papers Translated

3. Civil Ceremony

4. Visa/Passport

5. Airline Ticket

I may try to visit the Consulate of the Dominican Republic- Houston this week. I never knew they had an office here until yesterday. Even going through this challenging process, the Lord reveals things to me little by little and bit by bit. That is why I love the Lord so much because He teaches me to depend on the guidance of the Holy Trinity. Even in something as trivial as this, despite everyone else’s turmoil and suffering, God Is Still Omnipresent! Powerful and Superior. It is His will that everyone is saved and that no one shall perish.

Turn to the Lord and Be Joyful!

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Shalom

Love, Quél

Holy Week

I have the privilege to partake in the presence of the Holy Spirit daily, but during certain times of the year, there’s a special time set aside for worship, adoration, giving thanks, repentance, protection, and praise. We get the opportunity to go around this room and write down our thoughts and we pour out what’s in our minds and what’s on our hearts; not only for ourselves, but for those who are suffering, persecuted and or lost. I do not take this time for granted. I’m very grateful. I’m humble. An awesome place to be. Thank you.