Repeatedly thinking about your narcissist is by grand design.

*Neuro linguistics programming is the influence of brain behavior through the use of language and communication to recode the way a person thinks or responds to stimuli.

I was watching a video on YouTube called…

“Repeatedly thinking about your narcissist is by grand design”

by Luminousz Ztarr https://youtu.be/EOdHdioQGng

I begin to watch this video, as I have been watching other videos about the narcissist and the empath and how they attract, because I, was in love with a narcissist. Some men can easily pick up on vulnerability, perhaps in some environments, they train themselves for that to use it to their advantage for whatever supplies they lack. For example money, love or sex.

*images from the video

Victory is mine; I thank God because HE never left my side.

I am not writing this to slander anyone’s name, but being the author, I have a right to write my own story and the characters involved, well just happened to be in my story.

Eduard, my ex, showed up as a surprise guest at my friend’s wedding I was attending in the Dominican Republic. Him and I had been fighting (verbally) back and forth for months prior to that about what I should be doing with my life, specifically my money.

He couldn’t accept that I left him and decided to start traveling to other places without him, and going back on my promise to marry him.

He wanted me to be with him just the way he was.

I couldn’t do that.

I wanted to see him for my friend’s wedding, but being with him would be in a totally different setting. Kinda like we are here together, but not really together. Just that bond type of let’s get together for old times sake.

During this trip, things started off well, but unfortunately, didn’t end well. He habitually thinks he can control me to allow him to cheat, but is it really cheating if we are not really together?

Did he feel used that I asked him to come and spend time with me and I didn’t return the favor? Was it a money issue that was on the table? After seven days with him, the exposure of me accepting calls from another man in his presence and then the confrontation of him fucking Kristina. I said,

This is toxic and we are hurting each other. For what? Let’s just go our separate ways. Apparently there’s a misunderstanding.

Eventually I told him…

“I believe one of the reasons this relationship did not work was because, when I met you, I gave you a special part of me that I should not have given you and that was my mind, body and my soul.”

(Fornication)

“After my husband died, I was vulnerable. I gave my body and my soul to you even though you never earned it, but I saw how you begged for me and I wanted to trust you.”

(Vulnerability)

“I felt sorry for you living in a 3rd world country, I gave you money. That was my mistake.”

(Empathy)

“I had no knowledge of what a Sanky was at that time. I was too naive to believe that a man like you could easily take advantage of me. I didn’t know it was your passion to …. manipulate me. ”

(Oblivious)

“I was just a free woman who was willing to give a chance to the man I fell in love with who told me he would make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.”

(Hopeless romantic)

“You told me you were a Sanky, (not directly,) but indirectly. You admitted to inviting women to your country to show them a “good time.” I did not want to believe it; but it was true because one of those women was ME!

I was immediately drawn into your attention to me, your culture, your desire to… manipulate me.”

(Fantasy)

I saw you as a human being with a passion to help other people. I saw you as a man who loved God. I saw you as a man who loved his family. I saw you as my husband.

(Love)

Untilyou cheated on me. I had to leave you. I had to think about …. ME.

(Reality)

There is something evil deep inside that has a stronghold on you and it will not allow you to be free. The lies, the sex, the manipulation of the mind, and the facade of living two lives. You eventually begin to show the narcissistic side, and that part of you I despise.

(Release)

Detaching myself from all of that with space in my mind, he reaches out to me during the holidays just one last time to see if I’m on his mind. Yea sure, you’re on my mind and I wish you well my friend.

Time goes by with space in my mind and he reaches out to me again to ask if I forgot about him. I’m thinking to myself, ..

It was by your grand design to train me to have you always on my mind, but now your power was relinquished when you fucked, Kristiana, so now I have to move on with my life.

And what does the narcissist do? He turns everything around and tries to make my new amigo the center of his attention.

Telling me I gave another man my number and that I was talking to him in his presence, made him jealous.

(Narcissistic)

I say to him, “I am only doing the same thing you were doing and to me it’s no different!”

(Revenge)

After many attempts to make me feel guilty, I didn’t. I felt good about telling him the truth, “Yes, I gave another man my number, yes we talked on video in your presence. You know how your kind of men can be, very very persistent!”

After that confession he goes on to say “Go and be with him. I wish you well and it is better to block you to quiet the mind.”

I said, “Thank you, Papi. If you want to give up the best sex you’ve ever had, that’s going to be your problem!”

We both laughed! 😘

Time goes by with space in my mind and he reaches out to me one more time to ask…….

“Will you have sex with me one more time?”

I left him with NO REPLY!

I enjoyed the long journey, the laughs, the smiles, the traveling back and forth, learning Spanish, teaching him English, meeting new friends, seeing different parts of his culture and his country, the daily text messages and phone calls, the anticipation of going to see him again, the food he cooked for me, the beaches, the love he had to give……to me.

He had a motive, a strategic plan, maybe it was to have his baby, maybe for a visa, maybe it was just for the money or sex.

Thank God, I’m out now and Adiós to my Narcissist Ex!

I Understand

From IAH to SDQ

Trip No. 10

Dominican Republic ~ When I am there I feel free. Flying into the capital (Santo Domingo) and a two hour scenic drive to a Romantic beachfront property in Uvero Alto and then back to the capital… Lord, I’m so in love!

You don’t want me to acknowledge the pain.

You only want me to acknowledge the good again.

I understand

Now that I’ve turned my back to you, I know you’re hurting too, but what are you teaching me?

Not to be blue?

Just as you think of me daily, the consequences of your actions reminds me daily not to let you back in until you can acknowledge the pain I’m in!

What you’ve learned to accept in your culture may not be ok in mine. If you can’t live without me, then you have to confess that what you feel is true.

Which is… You can’t be without me and you don’t want to be blue!

#poetry #author #blogger #travel #romancetourism #theloveexperience #thepoetryjournal

Declare what you Desire

Paralyzed by the love we found, he likes the way I love. I’m stepping way out of my comfort zone now, Lord keep carrying me down this road. Protection means to set boundaries. Be patient and be bold. Declare what you desire! Let your intentions be known. #thepoetryjournal

I opened the door to love and I was amazed at what I could find. You would not believe my story if I told you how this all began from my very first time on this island.

But don’t think for a second it’s been all peaches and cream, from a fantasy unfolding to a reality untold. This has not been easy.

Things can be going good, but when the flames go out we find a way to ignite them again. Isn’t that what love is about? To keep finding your way in and out?

Just as you can see the clear blue skies, the trees taller than you could ever climb. The sand and shore for miles and miles. This is Faith because I never thought I could have this. Never imagined that I could deserve this. If I would have waited to depend on him, I would not be here writing this.

If you want something and you have the desire to make it happen, declare what you desire. There’s many ways to go about getting what you want, but the route I took was truly a faith walk. I had fear, but I also had love. The Lord’s love for us allowed this to happen. I have not done this on my own.

This romantic abode sits right on the shore in Uvero Alto in the Dominican Republic. It is elevated above a gift shop so when the sun rises, it’s something you don’t want to miss. It’s stocked with essentials like milk, juice, eggs, bread, cereal, coffee, fruit, and more. There is Wi-fi, even a portable wi-fi if you decide to go out on the beach, now that’s a plus.

It has two electric burners, a panini grill and a microwave. I was just in my own little heaven. It really felt like home. When I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw the view of the moon shining very bright along the ocean, I knew that God was with me. I can’t thank him enough for his protection and his grace that abounds much more. The host for this Air BnB deserves a 10 for superb service, accommodations, cleanliness and great communication throughout my entire stay!

I want to return one day to this cozy place and explore love all over again with a rendezvous face to face.

Click here for $40 and find yourself a nice get away. Step out of your comfort zone and step into love. Define love for yourself. Live, Love and Travel!

Quél

God’s Glory

Lord, it’s because of you I am able to bask in your glory.

Thank you.

Photographer @dannivoir

#bmpc2018 #dominicanrepublic #pearlbeachclub #puntacana #tripwithshan

Lord, I Love You More!

RIU Republica

Adventures can take you places you never thought you could go.

AlSol Del Mar

AlSol Del Mar

I found my adventure on the beaches of the Dominican Republic shores.

Hard Rock Resort Punta Cana

Even my very first time on the beach, I literally fell in love.

Be Live ~ Bayahibe

It was something I began to embrace and a fantasy I began to create. Had me traveling overseas back and forth.

Tortuga Bay ~ Cap Cana

God, I am loving these beaches, but I love you more. I do not take for granted that your mercy and your grace has allowed me to explore your everlasting love for me on the beaches of your world.

Playa Blanca ~ Punta Cana

Los Corales ~ Bavaro

API Beach

Juanillo Beach

Macao Beach

I love these beaches, but Lord I love you more! Thank you.

CLOUD 9

I want to be where I am supposed to be when I am summoned to be there; for that divine purpose with the one I am aligned to be with and to be able to explain how I got there. With this being my 9th trip to the Dominican Republic, I’d like to say that I have finally reached Cloud 9.

This authentic trip to the Dominican Republic was packed with all adults, all inclusive, transportation everywhere, 2 adventurous excursions, 2 surprise locations, a professional photographer and VIP treatment. I’m sure I am forgetting something.

Congratulations to Shanna and Karmel who worked diligently to exceed my expectations and gave us the best group trip in Punta Cana.

I was all smiles at sunrise and all sleep at midnight. I can not stop raving about the wonderful four days at RIU Republica.

The VIP greeting with swag bags, welcome drinks, private check-in, welcome dinner, nightlife entertainment, beautiful beaches, dune buggy excursion, catamaran, snorkeling, and the list goes on.

When you truly love what you do, it shows in the work that you do for others. I had a great time with a great group of travelers.

Hope to see you next year! Be Mine Crew!

For more exclusive footage, click to open the link to my personal Video Trailer #BMPC2018

Live…

Love… and

Travel on purpose

Love, Quel

#cloud9 #9x🇩🇴 #theloveexperience #thepoetryjournal #tripwithshan #puntacana

She’s Gotta Travel

~I travel just to see another side of myself. Who can I be outside of my country?

~ Daring

~ Independent

~ Freedom

~ Exhilarating

~ Exhalations

I have traveled to domestic destinations on someone else’s dime. Even my first time traveling internationally to the Dominican Republic, was not on my dime.

But when I got a taste of the beauty and that bliss, I could not hardly contain myself. Like what have I been missing? Attention like this? I just could not resist.

I evolved into another person it seemed. Dreaming of fantasies I had once dreamed. Connecting with someone who fell in love with me. Not knowing the consequences of giving him all of me.

Places I would not go, I went.

Things I would not do, I did.

People I would not see, I saw.

A love I would not normally love, Yes, I loved.

I travel just the way I want to. My rules, my money, my time. Just the way I want it.

And I damn sure ain’t nobody’s property.

#shesgottatravel 😝 #thepoetryjournal