#path of insecurities

Holy Week

I have the privilege to partake in the presence of the Holy Spirit daily, but during certain times of the year, there’s a special time set aside for worship, adoration, giving thanks, repentance, protection, and praise. We get the opportunity to go around this room and write down our thoughts and we pour out what’s in our minds and what’s on our hearts; not only for ourselves, but for those who are suffering, persecuted and or lost. I do not take this time for granted. I’m very grateful. I’m humble. An awesome place to be. Thank you.

Since then…

“I am excited to start this journey to see where it takes me.”

In November 2015, I started a series of quotes called the #Justluvseries, then I went down a #pathofinsecurities, from there I decided to #standfirminrestoration and find the #victoryinvulnerability.  I started this series after I lost my husband to a sudden death.  I was in shock and I was sad. At times I was angry, experiencing depression and loneliness.   I became very vulnerable.  I didn’t realize it was vulnerability back then, but I knew to place some boundaries and rules in my life to protect my heart.  Was I looking to love again?  Yes.

I wanted an escape to fulfill a fantasy where tasteful wishes come true.  I wanted to ask for anything I wanted.  I was seeking pleasures of a true climax, but I didn’t want to question why.

I became compassionate, sympathetic and started to love others to motivate them.  I began to give without expecting anything in return, because some of my high expectations caused unnecessary anxiety when things didn’t go my way or when I felt like I wasn’t getting what I wanted in return.  Then I realized that two people may never love each other the same way and that my love cannot be measured.  You know, love can be uncertain; but I took the risk, yet trying to protect my heart.

With acceptance and hope, I started to become more transparent because people will judge you anyway.  I wanted to let go of who I thought I was supposed to be and embrace the real me.  I had inhibitions with desires and fantasies that had me pondering on where I should be in this long distance relationship and looking for certainty where it didn’t even apply.  I decided to just believe in love.

I started to inspire others to dream bigger than their current situations.  I learned that the true art of giving creates a peace within.  I began to trust the Lord in every situation and I understood that my love was sacred.  I wanted to fall in love with someone who fell in love with me.

I love this quote by Brene’ Brown, “You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability.  Period.”

And with that said, although I was vulnerable, I decided I wasn’t going to let my love be influenced by misconceptions.  Within me, I had the power to love and I did just that.

Since then…I have 88 quotes, 133 posts on my blog, 759 visitors to the blog, over 2,000 views, and the best views ever was on the day I officially launched by blog on March 29, 2016.  I was just working through the process of grief, love and vulnerability and didn’t know I would have come this far.  It all started with a dream, a thought and the will to put my life back together.

Thank you for following me on this journey.  I appreciate your support.

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Punta Cana 2015

Choose today…

I have encountered new people in my life and by allowing that to happen, I had to discover more about their personalities, intentions and motives, in addition I had to discover mine also.

During this discovery process, I’ve seen selfish behaviors, poor quality in building relationships, insecurities, and transgressions which were sometimes viewed as malicious or intentional to sabotage relationships.

But today, I choose to forgive and to ask for forgiveness from the people I cherish in my circle.

Choose today and allow Love to conquer all.

Raquel

Happiness 🤑

I can’t analyze happiness, but it happened to me one day and it hit me Hard as a Rock.  But it cost me.  I had to pay for that.

Happiness made me BeLive in the moment to experience exhilarating bliss. Even I didn’t think twice about jumping in.  I just did it.  But it cost me.  I had to pay for that.

I tried to walk away from the state of happiness, but there it was again, living it up, like five-star tripping in it and I used all of my Six Senses.  But it cost me.  I had to pay for that.

Surely that was fun, but I’m not the only one that benefits from this happiness.  Oh, it comes in many forms and sometimes with horns to make you feel content. But it cost me.  I had to pay for that.

So I had a Q & A just to make sure that what I wanted to experience was either good fortune or just a little bit of exaggeration.  But it cost me.  I had to pay for that.

And in the Annual Review, Happiness stood there with exhaustion on its cheeks and its pockets running deep through the veins of deceit.  But it cost me.  And I had to pay for that.

Have you considered the cost of happiness?  It can be a tasty treat, but what great lengths are you willing to go to experience it? ~ Happiness 😘

Raquel©

Rude Awakening 

I can’t walk in your shoes, but I can listen to you.  I’m a dreamer, feeler, thinker, controller & entertainer but not necessarily in that order.  

I bounce and change daily.  I can be moody and I don’t think things all the way through.  I used to analyze certain things, but I’ve changed since he left me.

I don’t pay attention to details anymore, I only look close enough to see the dream.  I take each day one step at a time and whatever I don’t finish, I leave it for another day.  

My vulnerability stays with me daily and reminds me to have courage to be me.  I can be very self-centered, but definitely not vain.  Just self-taught to put myself first because no one will take care of me.  

Loyalty?  What does that look like?  After being hurt or saddened by so many of my loved ones or close ones, perhaps I was blind to the fact that someone could genuinely care about me.

Thanks for sharing and next time I dream, maybe I can include you and not just me. 

Rude Awakening ~💤💤

Raquel©

Dishonesty (Lyrics)

You can taste the dishonesty, it’s all over your breath
As you pass it off so cavalier, but even that’s a test

Constantly aware of it all, my lonely ear

Pressed against the walls of your world
Pray to catch you whispering

I pray you catch me listening

I’m praying to catch you whispering

I pray you catch me
I’m praying to catch you whispering

I pray you catch me listening

I pray you catch me

~Beyoncé 🍋