He Set the Tone…

Written by Racquel

Who finds the time to date during COVID19? Perhaps you’re desperate or seeking something for self gratification. Maybe, it’s just to have a casual conversation. Similar to a companion. You connect with someone through a physical attraction and the conversation begins.

His invitation to dinner starts off as tempting, yet tantalizing because it seems thoughtful to have someone actually cook for you. It’s easier to just eat out and go our separate ways afterwards. It may not cross your mind he could have a motive. Your perception could simply be naive thinking he is actually interested in really getting to know more about you.

Upon entering his dwelling, you feel a little uncomfortable, but you try to settle in to his sensual hospitality, his Afro Latino history, his tech geek personal lifestyle, and you’re only getting a little, bit of him because he’s busy cooking. You don’t really know who, why, or what’s going to happen next. It’s just a chance you are willing to take.

Dinner is served, and you trust the food that is prepared is good enough to eat, so you won’t have to pretend when he asks, is everything ok? Actually, it was one of the many things that easily got you hooked on him, but you just didn’t want him to know it was that simple for you. He had you in that moment. He set the tone.

After dinner, you engage in more conversation with him, but it was a sudden statement of, I want you. You resist to respond too quickly, although you may it depends on your vulnerability level. In a moments notice, do you choose to leave or do you stay to explore a little more? In that moment, he sets the tone for what is to come later on.

You made it through the night, and the demands and promises start immediately after that, you didn’t have much time to even think about if it’s what you should accept. You start to consider it.

Eventually it does not take long to notice there’s a huge difference between you two, a lot you don’t know so you start to fact check everything he said, instead of beginning to trust. Still, things just didn’t seem to add up. It was different, yet intriguing enough to consider who this person was. You may ask yourself, “Should we continue? “ He insists.

You are not sure what he’s accustomed to, but for you, it is he who should do more pursuing if he’s really interested in getting to know you.

You go on your day-to-day operations and suddenly you remember a month has passed with no communication, an issue of unresponsive text messages. Out of the blue, your sister notices him at the park, and oddly you get a notification that he was there and that prompted you to reach out to him and things pick up where you left off. One thing led to another, and he communicates he wants a relationship, but remember you still had another adventurous lover lingering in your DNA. He makes mention to you to give up communication with your lover in order for the two of you to move forward and you even considered on doing that for him. Here you go translating in Spanish that you are going to move on and cut all manners of communication with your ex lover. No more adventurous vacations in paradise, gotta make something new with this man whom you’re not even sure will be the one you can venture into.

Yes, it was worth a try, but you find yourself going back to communicate with your ex lover when you are alone and now you had to tell the truth, when your new man asked you because he could see right through you all the time. You thought it was going to be easy, but it was hard to stop talking to your ex because you had a strong bond of talking to him everyday and it was his attention that kept you engaged, although it was rarely important the things you were discussing, had very little interest to you. It was just something to do.

Concentrating on someone new, you began to carefully watch his temperaments, his work ethics, and his fatherly characteristics. His patterns became so predictable. It was work, work, work, go out to eat, watch a movie, sleep and father duties every other weekend. Where does the monotony end?

He was friendly, and funny, and a good communicator when it comes to getting what he needed. Breaks in between your love making sessions, he was only spontaneous when it came to fulfilling his requests and he made them be known, with the expectation it was what he deserved. Was that a test? He was setting the tone for this monster he created.

Eventually the cycle continues and you may find yourself trying to adapt settling into his trap, yet noticing you were accepting things you would accept when you were in your 20’s, a sucker for some adventure. He knew what he was doing and he used his communication as leverage asking you things he had no business asking you in the moment of pleasure. Red flags were thrown everywhere, but he kept you in despair perhaps for his self gratification.

After a few unfulfilled promises, you come to realize that you kept adding up all of his wrong doings and after you made love to him, you had the nerve to ask him, “what are you doing? Leading me on, still pretending, and by the way, what’s in your phone? “

The truth you were assuming. Something he felt you were not privy to. One more thing added to his list of being unfair to you.

Although he used his leverage to go through your phone and point out your alleged other male friends, with whom he seemed very insecure with, you don’t get any rights to his privacy. You don’t know who he is spending his spare time with when he doesn’t answer your call or even take the time to respond to your text messages.

You don’t know his name and how it suddenly changed, you don’t get to travel together, you don’t get to relax at all because your other male friends are always an issue, everything is your fault, and you cannot be trusted. You don’t get the gifts you asked him for, it’s always some excuse.

What else is there to do? Plan your escape without further confrontation, and hope there’s no retaliation going forward.

Your temperaments start to rumble and you ask yourself, what are you going to do when he gets out of the shower, ready to enjoy a dinner for two? Do you really want to sit and eat pretending that your needs go unmet, just to keep the peace between you two?

During the time while he is in the shower, you wrestle in your mind what the outcome will be with making a split decision of going through with the planned dinner for two.

Silence and absence was all you could offer him, because you wanted to avoid any confrontation. When you walked out that door you did not know if you could even bare to face him anymore.

He set the tone, and you tried to adapt, but you were not willing to fully give into his control. Eventually, one of you will have to let it go!

Yours Truly, Racquél

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