While overseas on my mini vacation, we walked out onto a long pier on this resort. This place was new to me, but somewhat familiar. Adjacent to another Alsol brand, we walked and reminisced on certain spots we’ve visited before, together. Wait, I’ve been here before, this doesn’t feel right!  I remember now. He remembers too, probably not with me but with all the other ones.  A lifestyle I fell into, getting to know the game of inviting foreign women into your country over and over again.  Why would he give this up?  It’s a lifestyle…

As we walked upon this pier, I caught a vivid glimpse of a beautiful bride standing at the very end facing the calm blue waters in the marina. She stood there under an altar designed with grapevines and roses.  Only the bride with her groom happily on that pier facing the sunset and ocean. 

I began to speak my vision loudly and boldly before him in details of what I wanted to see for us both. I blatantly said, you have 90 days to propose. He said, Que. 

I said, 90 days to propose. Stunned and in somewhat of a shock, I wanted to retract my words. Marriage is nothing to play around with and I didn’t want to lead him on to believe in my fairytale.  I know where that bold expletive came from, it stems from that small girlie figurine that always dreamt of a fairytale wedding. (Snap back to reality, you know you don’t want to get married again, Why did you say that to him?”)

It is partially true that I wrestle with getting married again, but when I married my husband, I never wore a wedding dress or had a wedding. It was very plain, simple and raining that day.  I pondered quietly asking myself, would I, could I marry this man? I do love him, but could I marry him? Why would I marry him? Valid questions which at that very moment I had no immediate answers. 

He was very romantic this trip, cooking for me, staying up late talking, playing his favorite songs, laying in his arms, taking me places I wanted to go, driving around the city for me, calling me with his whereabouts, just simple love things I adore. In the car one day, I asked him. When will you marry me? He glanced over at me… no answer. I responded for him, Never, just say Never!”

He responded securely, I didn’t say never!  
One time and we didn’t discuss it anymore. I don’t know why I feel this has to go to another level, but I feel “that”. When we met, it was a very, very unusual circumstance. This wasn’t meant to last as long as it has. We have fought and misused each other’s respect; but somehow we’ve recovered from that. 

Things have changed since, like major things that has a significant impact on a long distance friendship. I’ve tried to cut this off many times before, but he played a good role to demand his chance in my life for whatever reasons he owns.  I know that I’ve been the contributor in his life, feeding positivity into his soul. And he has been the peace lover in this friendship, warm and steady with considerate vibrations.  

He is Six and I am Eleven. 

Six will leave the single life behind in favor of settling down because Six also loves family and providing a comfortable home. Six likes to run the home while maintaining peace and harmony.  Six will do whatever is necessary to keep a balanced and healthy relationship. Six may become too complacent in an effort to keep peace, but this could lead to built up frustration as the harmony is just a façade.

He has qualities I adore and some I’d rather not tolerate. That’s why I’m torn. 
I have more resources, but he has something good; something I want to believe in and that is his heart. Men have a history of forever being on the hunt for the next best thing and if he ever left me, well I would be heartbroken.  Been there, done that heartbreak thing. 

This is why I have to wait 90 days. Pray. 
“Don’t put your destiny in the hands of someone else. Own it!” Why give up your destiny over to him when he doesn’t even know what to do with it. He’s more concerned about his own destiny and you should be concerned about yours. 
Ok, Own it? How do I own my destiny? Decree what you want in your life and everyday speak it and let it be known. Although he may not be the end result, by the end of that 90-day ultimatum, you will be more confident in the direction you want to go. It may not take 90-days, but soon you will know. The answer will not lie in his destiny, but your own. 

But what’s the purpose of sharing my daily declarations with him? Only because it is your wish that you want him in your destiny, just be careful what you ask for and trying to place ultimatums in his hands where they don’t belong. Just be careful. 
This 90 day ultimatum is really allowing myself to identify what I want for my life and to not put my destiny in the hands of someone else. Therefore, for seven days, I decreed what I wanted and I will wait 90 days. I am expecting my destiny to speak for itself and to be very clear.  Because that confidence in love..! Yeah, I gotta have that.

Hmmmmm… 

A friend I can trust and one who believes in leading our own destiny.  Where two can agree financially and have stability in the home.   Where there is no abuse of any kind and most importantly a spiritual connection.  A reason to love someone and to purposely connect. 

No more weighing the pros and cons, I just want to know, if he’s the one. And if in fact in 90 days it’s not what I expect, I should just stop and walk away because this is all a fantasy. 

Meaning of Numerology~ http://loveproject.com/meanings-of-numerology-numbers/